Road to Healing
by jesusjunkie
Summary: My version of how I would like to see season 10 go for Callie and Arizona.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people, I have so many different feelings about the finale and I don't want to think about it anymore, so I am going to start a fic on how I think Season 10 could go for Callie and Arizona. I'm heartbroken for them but I do think this will give us an opportunity to see Sara and Jessica shine.**

**Please enjoy and review.**

**I do not own Grey's or its characters.**

The ticking of the clock could be heard loudly throughout the room, it seemed like time was moving at a snail's pace. The floor looked normal and had been holding Arizona Robbins' attention for almost twenty five minutes. She has tried staring at the walls but they were bland and she could not be bothered to count the tiles on the ceiling any longer. She was frustrated, she should be in surgery. She should be with her tiny humans.

"Why are you here Arizona?" the questioned caused Arizona to look at this man with brown eyes and grey hair. He had a kind face, looked like someone who could be trusted. Trust. Now there was a word. The problem is she didn't know who to trust anymore.

"I don't know, Dr Simmons," sighed Arizona looking at the therapist's kind eyes once more.

"Okay well, I shall recount some of the circumstances that I have been told brought you here," began Dr Simmons pleasantly and as he spoke Arizona looked at him and tuned him out. She was good at that, pretending to listen and pretending that she was in the moment. She had done this for most of her life, try to gloss over the hard things and not really listen. She was an expert at it. She loved feeling like she was in control, even when she probably wasn't. As long as she could make it look like she was in control, she could get through anything. Dr Simmons continued to talk and her mind flashed back.

* * *

**_6 Months Earlier_**

It was 2 weeks after the storm and everybody seemed to be trying to get back to normal, Meredith and Derek were enjoying baby Bailey, Alex and Jo were basking in glow of love but the effects of the storm could still be seen and all was not well. Christina and Owen were actively avoiding each other but one of them would often be caught by other staff members staring at the other. Jackson and April appeared not to be talking, no one knew what was going on with them and April's wedding wad getting closer. Dr Webber has suffered a cardiac arrest and had by some miracle managed to be saved from death.

Arizona was sitting at a lunch table in the cafeteria looking at her lunch tray and playing with her food, she had a blank look on her face and her eyes were cold but you had to really look closely to see that something was swirling behind those crystal blue eyes. Her companion Dr Lauren Boswell was sitting next to her, happy to be enjoying the silence and company of Arizona. She looked at her lunch companion,Lauren Boswell, she was young and pretty, full of ambition and buzzing with creative ideas. Lauren could feel Arizona's eyes on her and looked up at Arizona with a simple smile.

"What?" Lauren asked curiously as Arizona continued to look at her almost blankly.

"Nothing," replied Arizona as she looked back down at her tray, a familiar voice began to echo through her head.

"_Apparently, I've lost you too"_

Arizona shivered and then shook her head, that voice, those words, they had been haunting her ever since they were first uttered. The images of a broken woman tears running down her cheek and a look of utter devastation, heartbreak and defeat played on that beautiful face. She shook her head again. Now was not the time to be dwelling on this.

"I was thinking," Lauren said interrupting the thoughts that swelled within Arizona's mind, "Maybe we could do something." Arizona looked at this woman, this pretty woman she had slept with, who had urged her to let go and lose control.

" I can't Callie will be back with Sofia and I want to see Sofia," replied Arizona plainly as she looked at Lauren intently once more.

"Well maybe, we could do something after you see Sofia," suggested Lauren the hope clear in her voice.

"No I don't think it would be possible," replied Arizona aware that by the look on her face that Lauren had missed what Arizona was really saying, but that was because Arizona was good at that, saying one thing and meaning other without the person realising it.

"Well what about tomorrow?" asked Lauren who was obviously not determined to give up and before Arizona could answer she was paged. She looked at Lauren with a somewhat apologetic look and then quickly grabbed her tray and left the table. Lauren was left sitting there on her own, thinking about the possible places they could go to for dates, unaware that that was the last thing on Arizona's mind.

Arizona rushed to her patient assessed her and got the intern to book an OR immediately and she paged Karev. She would need his help for this surgery. By the time she had gotten to the OR and scrubbed in Karev was already ready to go. They began to operate on the child working efficiently as a team and her professional take no prisoners mask was back on. All of a sudden there was a surge of electricity and the lights flickered before the power went out, it was one of the short term effects of the storm, the temporary black outs, they were not serious and the hospital had been assured that things would return to normal very quickly.

As the lights went out, Arizona heard a clicking sound like the locking of a door, she looked up and all of a sudden she felt as if the ground was giving way underneath her and she could see the blue sky and the various tree tops. She heard the crash and felt both her legs were stuck under the plane. She blinked and Mark was lying on top of her and she was begging him to stay alive for Callie, for Sofia and for herself. The next thing she knew she was screaming at Callie for cutting off her leg, as Callie lifted her up out of her own urine and moved her in to the shower and she saw Callie crying, the tears staining Callie's face as she broke down. She blinked again and saw Lauren in the elevator, telling her she didn't care about the leg and then they were in the on call room kissing passionately both disrobing and she felt the momentary pleasure and then the pain, the pain of Callie's broken face as Arizona screamed that she would take a bone saw to Callie's leg to even the score and then the defeat on Callie's face as she said that she had lost Arizona too. Those words kept haunting her, pounding though her ears like her heartbeat. Arizona closed her eyes as other words began to plague her.

"_Phoenix"_

"_Blondie"_

"_Momma"_

"_I asked her to marry me and a truck came out of nowhere"_

"_You're nothing"_

"_You are allowed to lose control"_

"_Apparently I lost you too"_

The last sentence kept playing in her head, again and again as her eyes stayed closed, soon she could hear another voice.

"Arizona!"

"Arizona!" Arizona opened her eyes and realised she was no longer standing next to the OR table, she was sitting huddled in the corner rocking back and forth, with Karev in her face clearly trying to get her attention but someone was screaming a really loud wailing sound. She looked around the OR floor, there were more doctors who were obviously finishing the surgery and others who were looking at her concerned. Some of the surgical instruments were on the floor and she wasn't sure why. The screaming. Someone needed to shut up the person who was screaming, she thought as she continued to rock back and forth and then she recognised those screams. They were her own. She was screaming with total abandoned. She looked at Karev who was hovering over her with fear in his eyes and she heard the screams did down. She finally stopped screaming but continued to walk back and forth.

"Arizona," Karev said gently "I'm going to get you out of this OR." He did so with no protest from her, it was like she was not controlling her body, but she could feel the soreness of her prosthetic on account of being huddled in that position. Karev took her home, well to the Archfield hotel where she was staying. He said he would stay with her and despite her protests he stayed. She sat on her bed and stared into space as many thoughts consumed her.

* * *

**_A week later_**

Arizona was still at the hotel and Karev had come by every day to check on her. She knew he was checking to see if she had tried to commit suicide and honestly, she couldn't blame him. However, this particular day, it was not Karev that came to see her but Lauren. She had brought Arizona some grapes, like she had just been getting over the flu. The two women engaged in idle chit chat, Lauren much more engaged than Arizona. Finally Arizona looked at Lauren, who was still pretty.

"I'm sorry Lauren," Arizona said simply as Lauren looked at her confused.

"Why?" asked Lauren quite perplexed as Arizona looked at her with a blank look on her face.

"I've been lying to you," Arizona answered plainly.

"What are you talking about?" questioned Lauren still confused and Arizona just sighed.

"When we ...we slept together you thought we had a connection right?"asked Arizona and Lauren nodded in the affirmative.

"Right," agreed Lauren.

"Wrong," corrected Arizona as her voice took on a neutral and detached tone, "I was not connecting with you in an intimate way, I was using you to escape from my life, trying to hide away from who I thought I had become."

"I was not falling for you Lauren, you were falling for me, I was losing control and breaking Callie's heart. Breaking my own heart and tearing apart my family. I wanted to feel something but besides the momentary gratification I just felt numb and guilty. I was horrified at what I had done," continued Arizona.

"But Arizona, we," began Lauren.

"There is no we Lauren and there never will be," stated Arizona firmly as she watched Lauren slowly process the information and then the look in Lauren's eyes went desperate.

"But Arizona I love you and I know you feel something for me too," cried Lauren looking to cling onto any possible hope.

"Honestly Lauren I have only loved one person, my wife Callie Torres. I will always love her with everything within me," said Arizona as a fire began in her eyes and as Lauren looked at Arizona it was very clear who she had chosen, who no matter what Arizona would always chose. Lauren gathered herself together and looked at Arizona.

"Goodbye Arizona," said Lauren gently as she left the hotel room, never to be seen by Arizona again and Arizona was once again left alone with her thoughts and that chilling voice rang out once more

"_Apparently I lost you too"_

Tears were running down Arizona's cheeks she knew that she loved Callie more than anything and yet she was blinded with rage and feelings of bitterness and resentment kept taking over and it was leaving her confused, emotionally drained and exhausted.

* * *

**_Present Day_**

Arizona looked at Dr Simmons who seemed to be looking at her expectantly and she wasn't sure why.

"Sorry could you repeat that?" she asked trying not to feel guilty for tuning him out.

"I said, I know why I think you're here but I want me to tell you why you are actually here," repeated Dr Simmons . Arizona looked at him, he had such kind eyes and he was patient. Why was she sitting in the hospital shrink's office? What was she doing here? Then an image flashed through her mind it was Callie, Sofia and herself. A voice rang out in her head.

"_Apparently I've lost you too"_

She looked Dr Simmons straight in the eye and allowed the words to come out of her soul.

"Because I've lost myself. I don't know who I am and I want to find myself again," Arizona stated firmly.

**Well people, that is the first chapter done. It was very Arizona –centric and that is because I think this issue starts with her but don't worry I will get to Callie. I was saddened by the finale (I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE INFIDELITY) but I believe season 10 presents the writers with the opportunity to properly allow both Arizona and Callie to heal and I look forward to that. Please let me know what you think. Hugs to all of you x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey people, thank you all for your reviews, favourites and follows. I'm definitely feeling and appreciating the love. I am soooo sorry for taking this long to update, life has been hectic. I have just finished training as a barrister (British lawyer for those who may not know). I really think that season 10 could be an incredible journey for both Arizona and Callie, separately and together. I'm excited because the possibilities are endless. I'm trying to just take each episode as it comes and not allow the spoilers to push me one way or another. Anyway please enjoy and review.**

**I do not own Grey's or its characters, I do own Dr Simmons, forgot to say that the last time.**

Again. Again. That's the word the word that kept swirling through Callie Torres' mind. As she lay in their bed or was it her bed now. She was unsure. She continued to stare up at the ceiling, unable to sleep because every time she closed her eyes she saw either Arizona's cold blue eyes screaming at her, with venom and what looked like hate or she saw Arizona and that woman consumed in each other reaching new heights of ecstasy and she felt nauseated, Callie had thrown up a few times. It had happened again. Someone she loved, more than anything, more than life had cheated on her. Again. It was difficult to process that concept.

She looked around the bedroom and saw reminders of her wife and all she felt was an ache, a yearning for something she knew she had lost. Her wife, her Arizona. She was gone. Callie could see it in Arizona's eyes in the Attending's Lounge. The woman she had married, the woman she had loved was gone and Callie realised that since Arizona had not come back from those woods. Her wife had died and an empty shell of a woman had returned. This Arizona was a look alike, an imposter, a woman capable of resenting Callie for saving her life and a woman capable of cheating.

Callie sighed. She was right when she told Mark, her life was always a disaster. She thought things had changed, that she had changed bit clearly she hadn't. There was one common denominator, in Callie's mind, for all the bad things that had happened to her. It was her. It had to be. It didn't make sense any other way. She sighed again, these thoughts were not helping her insomnia and yet she didn't want to sleep. She was petrified of what she would see when she closed her eyes. So once again she stayed awake and stayed buried by her own thoughts. She thought about LA and her trip to see Addison. It was good to see Addison so happy, with Henry and Jake, but at the same time it was painful. Painful to see this happy family and it was painful to be around all that love. So she came back with Sofia. Sofia. She was Callie's saving grace. If she was honest with herself, she could have decided to throw it all in and end it but it was Sofia who kept her going. Sofia who got her up in the morning and Sofia who could put some sort of a smile on her face. She lived for Sofia and that is all she would do, all she could do. For now.

It was a usual morning at Grey-Sloan memorial as Callie walked into the hospital with Sofia on her hip and a few bags on her opposite shoulders. Nurses and doctors rushing to and fro, the interns were being their usually irritating self and it all sounded like noise to Callie. She was at the hospital for one purpose and one purpose only, to do her job. This was how she had been surviving. Going into work dropping Sofia into daycare, surgery after surgey, then picking Sofia up from daycare and back home. She ate lunch in her office, where she continued looking at her cartilage research and she did not speak to anyone. The only time she saw Arizona was to drop off Sofia but there were no words between them. She ignored the looks people gave her and she tuned out the whispers about her. As far as Callie Torres was concerned she was about Sofia and her job.

After dropping Sofia off at daycare, Callie was at her desk in her office, doing some more research for her cartilage, when Christina put her head round the door.

"Hey," Christina said unusually subdued and quiet which caused Callie to look up.

"Hi, what's up?" asked Callie knowing that Christina wanted something.

"We have a board meeting in 15 minutes," said Christina simply.

"Right okay, I'll be there," replied Callie neutrally as she began to shuffle the papers on her desk, hoping that Christina would get the hint and leave.

"Cal" began Christina.

"Look Christina, I'm sorry but I don't want to talk. I just want to get through the day as fast as I can, pick up my little girl and go home," stated Callie abruptly with a cold look in her eyes.

"I get it Callie," said Christina and a look of kindred spirits passed between them and Christina left Callie alone in her office. Silence. Callie had begun to get accustomed to the silence, it was almost comforting. She finished tidying her desk and gathered the important files that she knew she would need for this meeting. She was prepared for the meeting today, knowing what the outcome would be and left her office.

As she reached the boardroom, Callie looked in through the window and could see all of her fellow board members. Christina, Derek and Meredith seemed to be deep in conversation and Jackson appeared to be trying to get Arizona to talk but it looked awkward. Callie took a deep breath, steeled herself and walked into the room. Instantly, the chatter died down and they all looked towards her. For her part, Callie did not look at anyone but sat down and the other doctors noticed she sat as far away from Arizona as possible.

"Dr Torres, glad you could join us," greeted Jackson, trying to relieve some of the tension in the room but to no avail.

"Yeah well, before you start I have something to say," stated Callie in a neutral tone.

"Oh, okay, you have the floor," said Jackson as Christina rolled her eyes at his turn of phrase.

"Thank you, I'll be brief. I have decided to resign from the board," stated Callie calmly as the other doctors looked at her in shock. She picked up a folder and pulled four documents and passed them to each of the doctors.

"I had this drawn up by my lawyer, as you can see it says that I terminate any rights over this hospital and that they have all been signed over to Dr Robbins," said Callie plainly and Arizona looked up at Callie with an unreadable look on her face.

"I don't understand," stated Meredith as the others looked between Callie and Arizona.

"It's simple, I no longer own a share of the hospital, I just work here now," replied Callie in response.

"But why are you doing this?" asked Derek confused, every one knew that something was going on between Arizona and Callie but nothing had been confirmed.

"Well, as someone pointed out to me. I have no right to be involved in this, I wasn't on the plane," answered Callie with a bitter tone to her voice as her eyes locked with Arizona's cold blue eyes.

"But Torr..." began Jackson.

"Look accept it or don't accept but I'm done," said Callie with a finality and she gathered her things and left the room, leaving the other doctors in shock. Nobody knew what to say and as for Arizona her eyes were glued to the now open door which Callie had exited through. All sorts if emotions were running through her and they seemed to be fighting within her. The emotion that appeared to be dominant at the moment was panic. The cold look in Callie's eyes brought about a deep sense of fear and panic that almost left her breathless.

* * *

It was a few hours later and Callie was back at home once again lying on her bed. She had just put Sofia to sleep and the house was now shrouded in silence. Callie had a million and one thoughts and feelings that were desperate to escape her and yet she had not cried since that night. She felt numb, cold and so exhausted from everything that had gone on in her life. In the still empty apartment, she could hear the words from conversations that had occurred that felt like memories from a life time ago.

'_**You're not moving to Portland'**_

'_**I love you'**_

'_**You do'**_

'_**I do'**_

'_**I have been there for you crisis after crisis'**_

'_**You smoke?'**_

'_**I can't talk about lotion or pound cake or anything else because you don't want to have a baby and I do'**_

'_**So we're gonna talk about it'**_

'_**What we gonna do'**_

'_**Well I'm gonna get my stuff together'**_

'_**Go away Mark'**_

'_**Hey be nice he's lonely'**_

'_**So picture this...'**_

'_**Shut up, just shut up. You don't get to tell me that we're not together. We are together because I love you and you love me and none of the rest of it matters. We are together'**_

'_**Anybody want to argue with my extra special vagina vote?'**_

'_**You get it all and me this is not my dream'**_

The conversations between herself and Arizona continued to play through her head like an i-pod stuck on loop. She could see every face Arizona made, all of Arizona's expressions and every look Arizona gave her. The moments flashed through her mind until she pictured that night. The night she lost it all, the cold look in Arizona's eyes, the hurtful words that came out of Arizona's mouth. Callie would never forget that, she can remember the pain. And yet, she now felt numb almost cold to all of these memories. It felt like their story had been erased by that one night. Cries from Sofia's room brought Callie out of her thoughts and she quickly went into her little girl's room. She saw Sofia looking for something, looking for her Mami, with her arms stretched out. Callie picked up Sofia from her crib and gently rocked her humming a gentle lullaby. She looked at her little girl. Her one true love. Her baby girl was all she had left and she needed to feel something. If not for herself then for the little one she had in her arms.

She needed to get help, so she could be better. She was not going to let Sofia down. She knew exactly who she needed to contact and after gently putting Sofia back down, she went into the living room, finding her purse and pulled out a card with a name that could hopefully help her.

_Dr Simmons Psychiatrist – Grey-Sloan Memorial_

**Okay folks, that is the end of that. I hope you enjoy reading and please feel free to review. I know this can feel slow and depressing but bare with me I have a plan.**

**Love you loads.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, once again I 'm sorry it has taken me so long to update but I have been very busy any who. I thought updating with two chapters might be a bit of an appeasement. I have a lot of spare time now, so I should be able to update a lot more frequently. I'll save the unnecessary chatter. Thank you for comments, favourites and follows. I love you all. Please review and enjoy this chapter.**

**I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters but I do own Dr Simmons.**

"Arizona, I want you to take me back. Back before you met Callie, back before you moved to Seattle. I want to go way back to when you were a child," stated Dr Simmons calmly and Arizona nodded simply.

"Okay, what do you want to know?" asked Arizona, a little defensively her protective walls coming up.

"Well, you've mentioned that you're father was a marine," started Dr Simmons.

"Yeah, so," replied Arizona in full on defence mode.

"Well Marine's are known for their regimented and disciplined way of living. That couldn't have been easy," remarked Dr Simmons to Arizona who just shrugged.

"It was fine," replied Arizona nonchalantly.

"Fine," repeated Dr Simmons, "There were no problems?"

"No, it was fine," answered Arizona neutrally and Dr Simmons just sighed.

"Arizona, if you want to do this properly you need to engage with me and participate. I want to help you but you need to do some of the work," stated Dr Simmons firmly watching as Arizona's ramrod straight posture slouched and she sighed.

"Okay," conceded Arizona and Dr Simmons smiled.

"So tell me about growing up with a marine for a father?" requested Dr Simmons.

"It was tough at times. Dad was a Colonel and so he was very strict. He pushed me and Tim to be the best that we could be in everything. He wanted us to always come first and mistakes were unacceptable. He came from a long line of Marines and his life has always about being noble, honourable and full of integrity but also being the best person that you can be. Tim sort of idolized him, it's why he joined the army, to be like Dad," explained Arizona calmly.

"It must have been tough to have that pressure on you," said Dr Simmons gently.

"It was tough at times. There were times I used to get so mad at him but I was taught not to be disrespectful and so all I could do was cry and I still do it now with authority figures. In fact Callie used to ... er ...any way I found it hard. I always wanted to impress him, make sure he knew that I was honouring the sacrifices that he and my grandfather made and so I worked really hard to prove myself to him," remarked Arizona as she focused on the coffee table parting herself and Dr Simmons.

"Did you ever let go and have fun?" asked Dr Simmons.

"Yeah I did from time to time but usually with my mom and it was hard because we kept moving every 18 months," answered Arizona calmly.

"What about when you went to college? That's when most people tend to let go," inquired Dr Simmons.

"No I was focused in college. I was pre-med and so I didn't do a lot of social things, I wanted to get into to med school and so I needed to stay focused," stated Arizona.

"So how did you relieve all the tensions from school?" asked Dr Simmons patiently.

"Well, I ... er...I ...um..." stammered Arizona trying to avoid looking at Dr Simmons.

"It's okay Arizona, you can say it," Dr Simmons gently reassured.

"I ..er .. slept around. A lot," stated Arizona her face red with embarrassment.

"It's perfectly natural Arizona, many college students like to ... er ..sleep around," remarked Dr Simmons.

"Well, it was the best way for me to de stress so, I'd go to a bar or a club, find a girl and go back to her place," stated Arizona a little nervously, "It wasn't like I did it every night but I did do it a lot."

"Arizona, it's okay I'm not judging you, please continue," said Dr Simmons calmly.

"Okay well, I was in college and there were so many girls who were curious or seemed to be attracted to me so I went for it," explained Arizona.

"So you felt like you could let go in this way?" asked Dr Simmons.

"Yes sort of, I was so focused with school so this was a way to kind of let everything go but at the same time I felt sort of ...er...powerful," answered Arizona.

"Why did you feel powerful?" questioned Dr Simmons.

"Well I would... er... go after these women," stated Arizona a little hesitant.

"You mean that you did the chasing?" asked Dr Simmons.

"Well I wouldn't quite call it chasing but I did pursue them," corrected Arizona and she watched as Dr Simmons looked thoughtful.

"Hmmm I see, I want to address this further in another session but for now I want to point your attention to a few things," remarked Dr Simmons pensively.

"Okay," replied Arizona reluctantly.

"You have talked about the pressure that your father put on you to be perfect and the best and you have seemed to carry this through to college. I wouldn't be surprised Arizona if you still carry this attitude around with you," stated Dr Simmons.

"It seems to me like perfection and also control are very important to you," stated Dr Simmons as Arizona looked up at him.

"Why do you say that?" asked Arizona curiously.

"Well, you mentioned the need to be perfect, that is something that has come up in our previous sessions and you just talked about the feeling of power you got from going after those women when you were in college," explained Dr Simmons.

"You're father was a man in control, wasn't he Arizona?" asked Dr Simmons.

"Er.. yeah it was part of him being in the marines, he planned everything," agreed Arizona.

"Did that irritate you?" inquired Dr Simmons.

"Yes, sometimes it did. I just wanted to...to break free from the rules but I as I got older I understood the importance of planning and keeping control of things," stated Arizona in response.

"Things also including emotions," stated Dr Simmons.

"What do you mean?" asked Arizona a little confused.

"Well, we've had quite a few sessions and this is the first one in which you've been so open and candid with me and even then you don't seem to like to express your emotions that freely," answered Dr Simmons who noticed Arizona beginning to get defensive, "I'm not trying to offend you Arizona. I'm just stating what I have observed."

"Right," breathed out Arizona nervously.

"You like to control things don't you, Arizona?" asked Dr Simmons and Arizona sat thinking for a few seconds.

"I guess I do," conceded Arizona pensively.

"You're brother joining the army, that wasn't in your control was it?" asked Dr Simmons gently as he noticed Arizona stiffen.

"No," Arizona replied quietly as she looked down at her hands.

"I know this is difficult but I want to us to go back to when you got the call that your brother had died in Iraq. How were you feeling at the time?" asked Dr Simmons softly as he noticed Arizona keep her head bent for a few minutes.

"Arizona I know this is hard," started Dr Simmons as Arizona's head snapped upright, her eyes ablaze.

"Do you know Dr Simmons? Do you really know what it's like?" interrogated Arizona with anger radiating off her.

"I guess I don't, that's why I want you to tell me," responded Dr Simmons gently and Arizona took in a huge breath and then exhaled slowly as tears began to pool in her eyes.

"It was hell," stated Arizona "I felt as if the ground from under my feet had been ripped away from me and I had a panic attack. I was a resident at the time at Hopkins and the chief at the time told me to take as much time as I needed and I went home and I couldn't cry. I felt numb, so all I did was eat doughnuts. After Timothy's funeral, I stood looking at the flag we got given not even his body and I fell in a heap finally sobbing and weeping uncontrollably. I couldn't stop. I just lost it."

"What did you lose Arizona?" probed Dr Simmons gently.

"Con-control," stammered Arizona as tears flooded her face.

"I see. Arizona from are session today I can see that control is something you hold onto strongly and that includes control of your emotions. you don't like to come across as vulnerable it makes you think that you come across as weak and so you let go in a way that allows you to maintain some sort of control, in college you had quite a bit of sex and most recently, you slept with Lauren, but I don't want to address that just yet," stated Dr Simmons calmly.

"So are you saying that I have control issues?" asked Arizona wiping her eyes.

"To be blunt yes but it's deeper than that. You are a perfectionist but that comes with being a surgeon but for you Arizona you were brought up to maintain this mindset throughout life, and it has taken over your whole life, you didn't want children and part of that reason was for fear of not being able to control the bad things that could happen to them. It seems that the first time you ever had to give up control was when you met and fell in love with Callie. You trusting her was giving her some control and I think that is where some of your unforgiveness towards her is rooted," explained Dr Simmons as he watched Arizona deeply process what he was saying.

"I see," Arizona responded thoughtfully.

"Today's session has been good, we are making progress," stated Dr Simmons pleasantly.

"We are?" asked Arizona unsure.

"We are Arizona, therapy takes time it's a long process and we do have a long way to go and it will get harder but we are on our way," remarked Dr Simmons with a smile as he got up to lead Arizona to the door and she followed him stopping just before she left.

"Thank you Dr Simmons," Arizona said softly.

"You're welcome, Arizona," remarked Dr Simmons kindly.

* * *

"They always leave," stated Callie sadly as she looked at her hands.

"Who leaves Callie?" asked Dr Simmons gently and Callie looked at him.

"Everyone I care about. George, Erica, Addison, Arizona, My parents, Mark, Arizona again, they always leave," said Callie sadly.

"I want to explore this further, let's take each one of those people you've mentioned but we'll leave Arizona for now," suggested Dr Simmons.

"Well George cheated on me with his best friend and then he died," stated Callie simply with an edge to her voice.

"Okay, I want to go back. How did George and you meet?" asked Dr Simmons patiently.

"We first met when I had to fix his dislocated shoulder. He had fallen down the stairs, but I had heard about him and seen him around the hospital," said Callie with a faint smile on her face.

"What did you think of him, when you first met?" asked Dr Simmons.

"I thought that he was adorable, so cute and shy," stated Callie sighing.

"So tell me about your relationship, how did it progress?" inquired Dr Simmons.

"Well, I gave George my number and he didn't call me, so I kind of gave up on him. Then he did call after awhile and we started dating. I found out that he had been in love with Meredith when we first met and he wasn't quite over her," said Callie.

"So do you think you were a rebound for him?"asked Dr Simmons.

"Now I do, when I think about it, he always put Meredith and Izzie first. He claimed they were his family and he never stuck up for me when they gave me hell, even after we got married" said Callie sadly.

"Why did stay in that relationship, let alone marry him?" asked Dr Simmons curiously.

"Because I thought that I loved him and he was George, he was sweet, kind and gentle," stated Callie softly.

"But he didn't treat you in a kind and gentle way, he put others before you," stated Dr Simmons.

"I guess, he was different to the guys I had dated before, he was sensitive, gentle and caring," responded Callie.

"Hmmm. Tell me about when you married him?" asked Dr Simmons.

"Well George's father had died and I had been trying my best to be there for him and then one day he just proposed and we went and got married in Vegas," stated Callie calmly, "I realise now that George had been grieving."

"You do?" asked Dr Simmons.

"I do. I think he regretted it not too long after we were married and I did too," remarked Callie.

"Why do you think that?" questioned Dr Simmons softly.

"Well, George was grieving and he was in no place to get married. Also, I don't think he ever really loved me, at most I think he was fond of me. I don't know if I was ever in love with him," commented Callie sighing.

"You seem to have quite some perspective on this relationship," noted Dr Simmons pleasantly.

"Well I had a lot of time to think about and gain closure," stated Callie.

"That's good Callie, it's healthy. I would like to add from my observations that I think you were in love with the idea of George," pointed out Dr Simmons.

"The idea of George?" questioned Callie looking at Dr Simmons curiously.

"Yes, someone sweet, sensitive, kind and caring who would treat you right," stated Dr Simmons.

"Huh, I never noticed that," said Callie thoughtfully.

"It's interesting and we'll come back to that later," stated Dr Simmons, "I want us to talk briefly about George's death."

"Er..okay," agreed Callie hesitantly.

"How did George's death make you feel?" asked Dr Simmons gently.

"It was very difficult, I loved him in one way of the other so it was very hard for me," said Callie softly, "But Arizona was there, and she really helped me get through it."

"So Arizona stuck with you?" asked Dr Simmons.

"She did, she was my rock and I was able to close that chapter of my life," stated Callie.

"Okay Callie, our time is up," said Dr Simmons pleasantly.

"Already?" questioned Callie surprised.

"Yes, it goes fast. Next week I want to discuss Erica," said Dr Simmons as he led Callie to the door.

"Thank you Dr Simmons," said Callie pleasantly.

"You're welcome Callie, see you next week," replied Dr Simmons and Callie quickly left.

**Okay folks, that ends this chapter. As you can see I am kind of filling in the gaps on certain things, especially with Arizona but I think that is the beauty of her character – she is still somewhat mysterious and so it creates a whole canvas to paint something incredible and I hope the writers on Grey's take this and really run with it. I must stress that I am not a trained psychiatrist neither do I have any real knowledge of psychiatry unless you count being an avid fan and watcher of Frasier. So please bear with me in terms of that area, but I do want the therapy sessions to go deep with both Arizona and Callie. Any way I've waffled for long enough. Hugs, kisses and teddy bears to you all x**


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